Holiday Timesharing – Consider Your Children

December 10th, 2011 Tags: Time-sharing
Posted in Co-Parenting

For many of you, how the holiday timesharing is handled has already been decided or ordered. Others are in the midst of the divorce process (or maybe just thinking about divorce) and negotiating a parenting plan. For those who do not already have a parent timesharing order, this post is for you.

When thinking about your parenting plan and timesharing, there are three typical methods of holiday timesharing: alternating, dividing, or sharing.

Holiday Timesharing Options

• Alternating Holidays In this method, the holidays rotate between parents year to year, usually designated by odd/even years. This year, mom gets Christmas and dad gets Thanksgiving. Next year, those holidays are reversed and mom gets Thanksgiving and dad gets Christmas.
• Dividing Holidays involves choosing the holidays that matter more to one parent than the other and giving the holiday to that parent. For example, the Jewish parent has Hanukkah while the Christian parent has Christmas. Or one of you gets Thanksgiving break every year, while the other always gets spring break.
• Sharing Holidays means dividing the holiday. This can be done for the holiday itself, say the children are at dad’s until 2 pm and then go to mom’s house or it could be dividing a longer holiday period. For example, one parent gets the first half of winter break and the other parent gets the second half of the break.

Holiday Timesharing Considerations

As you negotiate your holiday timesharing, be sure to keep in mind the most important person – your child. Children need consistency and certainty. To reduce anxiety, they need to know where they will be and that the plan is firm. While you consider and weigh the logistics involved in co-parenting and holiday timesharing, make sure that you consider the situation from your child’s point of view. For example, sharing a holiday may not be feasible if you live a few hours apart or more, due to the distance involved.

Another thing I have heard, especially from young children, is that sharing the holiday can be a drag. It’s not much fun to switch homes in the middle of a holiday. Just when you have your gifts unwrapped and you’re starting to play after dinner, it’s time to go to the other parent’s house and eat again. You have to put away your things and get ready to go. It just doesn’t make for a smooth or happy transition for kids.

Choose the method or methods of dividing or designating the holiday timesharing that work for your family, but keep in mind the logistics involved and how your children typically spend the holiday.  Also consider how your child adapts to changes. Some kids just do not do well with frequent changes;  a shared holiday produces anxiety for those children. If your own parents were divorced, think about how they handled holidays and what you liked and did not like about how they handled holiday timesharing.

Related articles

• Timesharing Over the Holidays: Will I Be Home for Christmas? (pamelawynn.com)