Co-Parenting Without Conflict

October 11th, 2011 Tags: Coparenting, divorced parent communication
Posted in Co-Parenting, Communication with Ex

Conflict. Just the word makes your stomach tighten up a little, doesn’t it? It’s been so interesting to hear each Divorced Parent Telesummit expert’s wisdom on how you can co-parent without conflict. There has been one clear message from all of the speakers: you are a role model for your children, especially when it comes to conflict resolution.

Conflict is Everywhere But Nobody Wins a Custody Battle

Everyone’s life involves conflict from time to time, whether it is with a co-worker or employer or neighbor. How you handle conflict as co-parents is teaching your children how they should handle conflict. What do you want your kids to learn about conflict?

I wish more parents understood that that “custody battles” have no winners. What they have is

losers – your children are the ones who stand to lose the most. If you want a cooperative co-parenting relationship, stop trying to win the custody battle. Your children are watching how you handle this conflict. Putting your children’s needs first can give you the power to remain calm, stay consistent, and avoid or resolve conflict with your co-parent.

Co-parenting really is more similar to developing a good business relationship than to developing a good marriage. Even if you had a terrible marriage relationship, you can be great as co-parents. Marriage and parenting involve different skills. Make a commitment to develop effective co-parenting skills so you have less conflict. If you don’t know where to start, join us on the Divorced Parent Telesummit.

All Parents Have Conflict

And remember, even married parents have disagreements and conflict. Conflict is normal. One  strategy to help reduce co-parenting conflict is the “W.I.N. Strategy.” WIN is an acronym that stands for, “When you ____, I feel ____, I need_____.” The WIN strategy helps you use “I” statements.  This puts the focus on you and lessens the other parent’s defensive stance. Some angry co-parents start the conversation (or argument) with phrases like, “You always,” or “You never.” These statements make the other parent very defensive. The WIN strategy emphasizes how the other parent’s actions make the speaker feel.

Your children are watching how you co-parent and how you handle conflict when it inevitably comes up. You can help your children learn to handle conflict more effectively by handling conflict more effectively yourself. Sometimes that means being the bigger person, which is always easier when you keep your focus on the children and not on your feelings. Handling conflict is not easy, but lea