Hello everyone, it’s Pam and Shelley here, again. Week One on the Divorced Parent Telesummit was filled with beneficial financial advice, helpful, easy to implement parenting solutions, thought provoking tips and ideas for how to handle dating with kids, and what you can expect when blending families. If you attended all three sessions, you know there was an abundance of content provided each evening.
Week number two promises to be equally packed full of information you can begin using immediately. Same time 9 pm ET/6pm PT. Here is what you can look forward to in week two of the Divorced Parent Telesummit.
Monday, March 19th we start the week off with Ronae Jull- “The Secret to Parenting Teens after Divorce.” Ronae says that she is “ridiculously optimistic about teenagers.” Ronae knows that parenting teenagers is tough! She tackles challenging parenting issues head on, from a been-there done-that perspective. Having raised four children to adulthood, there are a few things she’s learned – both from doing things right and from doing them wrong. She is known as the Hope Coach.
Pam and I know how devastating it is to go through divorce. We also know how unpredictable and stressful it can be parenting teenagers. We felt this was an area where single parents could really benefit from extra parenting tips, tools and guidance. Ronae is so passionate and knowledgeable about teenagers we knew she would bring great wisdom and value to our audience. Her website is ronaejull.com.
If you happen to be one of the people beginning the divorce process this January, I am sorry. I can truly say that I know how you feel. It was January 5th, 2001 when my husband informed me “he was ready to move on.”
Knowing how stressful the divorce process is, I wanted to take this opportunity to share some tips and valuable information to help you prepare for the process. Finances and children are typically the most important and stressful issues.
Before Seeing a Divorce Attorney
Before going to see an attorney, do your research. The internet can be a tremendous resource for understanding your options for getting through the divorce process. Be sure the websites are credible resources. Be organized and prepared before meeting with an attorney. Figure out what information you want from an attorney. Make a list of questions you want to ask.
The Holidays are characterized by joy, happiness, singing, parties, eating, gift giving, concerts, plays, Christmas programs, Hanukkah celebrations, charity drives, cookie exchanges, travel and people having fun. At least that is what the media would have you believe. The truth is the Holidays can be a tough time when you are going through or have recently gone through a divorce. The last thing you may feel like doing is pretending to be joyful and cheerful.
More than likely you and your spouse had developed some family traditions over the years. The traditions may have been ones you created, or ones you continued from one or both of your families. Now is a great time to think of your family traditions and ask yourself the following questions;
For many of you, how the holiday timesharing is handled has already been decided or ordered. Others are in the midst of the divorce process (or maybe just thinking about divorce) and negotiating a parenting plan. For those who do not already have a parent timesharing order, this post is for you.
When thinking about your parenting plan and timesharing, there are three typical methods of holiday timesharing: alternating, dividing, or sharing.
Holiday Timesharing Options
- Alternating Holidays In this method, the holidays rotate between parents year to year, usually designated by odd/even years. This year, mom gets Christmas and dad gets Thanksgiving. Next year, those holidays are reversed and mom gets Thanksgiving and dad gets Christmas.
- Dividing Holidays involves choosing the holidays that matter more to one parent than the other and giving the holiday to that parent. For example, the Jewish parent has Hanukkah while the Christian parent has Christmas. Or one of you gets Thanksgiving break every year, while the other always gets spring break.
- Sharing Holidays means dividing the holiday. This can be done for the holiday itself, say the children are at dad’s until 2 pm and then go to mom’s house or it could be dividing a longer holiday period. For example, one parent gets the first half of winter break and the other parent gets the second half of the break.
Holiday Timesharing Considerations
As you negotiate your holiday timesharing, be sure to keep in mind the most important person – your child. Children need consistency and certainty. To reduce anxiety, they need to know where they will be and that the plan is firm. While you consider and weigh the logistics involved in co-parenting and holiday timesharing, make sure that you consider the situation from your child’s point of view. For example, sharing a holiday may not be feasible if you live a few hours apart or more, due to the distance involved.
Another thing I have heard, especially from young children, is that sharing the holiday can be a drag. It’s not much fun to switch homes in the middle of a holiday. Just when you have your gifts unwrapped and you’re starting to play after dinner, it’s time to go to the other parent’s house and eat again. You have to put away your things and get ready to go. It just doesn’t make for a smooth or happy transition for kids.
Choose the method or methods of dividing or designating the holiday timesharing that work for your family, but keep in mind the logistics involved and how your children typically spend the holiday. Also consider how your child adapts to changes. Some kids just do not do well with frequent changes; a shared holiday produces anxiety for those children. If your own parents were divorced, think about how they handled holidays and what you liked and did not like about how they handled holiday timesharing.
- Timesharing Over the Holidays: Will I Be Home for Christmas? (pamelawynn.com)
If there is one sign that your kids are in danger after divorce, it is a high level of continuing conflict after divorce. When parents continue the conflict after the divorce is final, children are likely to be affected…and not in a positive way. From all accounts we have, continuing conflict after divorce is bad for kids. The higher the level of conflict, in fact, the more likely it is that children have increased problems. The question is how to step out of continuing conflict after divorce.
Step Out of Continuing Conflict After Divorce
It’s difficult to stop once couples get into negative communication and conflict patterns. It just takes one parent to Read More Here…
Conflict. Just the word makes your stomach tighten up a little, doesn’t it? It’s been so interesting to hear each Divorced Parent Telesummit expert’s wisdom on how you can co-parent without conflict. There has been one clear message from all of the speakers: you are a role model for your children, especially when it comes to conflict resolution.
Conflict is Everywhere But Nobody Wins a Custody Battle
Everyone’s life involves conflict from time to time, whether it is with a co-worker or employer or neighbor. How you handle conflict as co-parents is teaching your children how they should handle conflict. What do you want your kids to learn about conflict?
I wish more parents understood that that “custody battles” have no winners. What they have is
We believe you will really enjoy our next speaker Patrick McMillan. Patrick is the author of, The Science of Happy Kids and Joyful Parenting™. He is a children’s motivational speaker and subject matter expert in childhood emotional development. Patrick is the co-founder of HappierKidsNow. com and the founder of Kids Can Do Anything and An Exercise in Happiness™, an interactive emotional fitness program for children. Patrick is an active member of The International Positive Psychology Association and The National Association for Self Esteem, though his passion stems from being a stay at home dad since 2001.
Patrick says, “A child’s daily quest is to be happy, though for so many kids, this can prove to be an uphill journey. ” Patrick has committed his life to helping kids create for themselves the kind of life they want and deserve, and give parents and teachers the tools to take action in helping their kids in their daily pursuit of happiness.
When you meet Patrick you will quickly realize his passion and enthusiasm for helping kids succeed at finding and living a life of happiness, and empowering them with life long skills. Like you, Patrick has experienced separation and divorce. He knows what it is like as a parent to worry about how divorce would impact his children.
In today’s world of technology there are a number of resources that can benefit separating, divorcing or divorced parents. Pam and I wanted to take one session of the Telesummit to share two technology related resources with you; Our Family Wizard website and Life Journal software.
Our Family Wizard
First, we would like to introduce Jai Kissoon the CEO and one of the original founders of the OurFamilyWizard website. The OurFamilyWizard website was created to help reduce or remove conflict between separated or divorced parents. The website is designed to help empower families to help themselves.
Using Our Family Wizard can reduce divorce conflict and remove the “he said/she said” that keeps families returning to court over joint custody and co-parenting issues. The Our Family Wizard website helps reduce the face-to-face contact between high-conflict parents. In fact, courts across the USA and Canada have ordered usage of the site in contested cases and found it to be a very effective tool and solution for high conflict parents.
Kicking off the second week of the Divorced Parent Telesummit is another incredible expert, Dorcy Russell. Dorcy is the Founder and CEO of Conscious Co-Parenting Institute. She is a reunification Coach and co-parent educator. She has devoted her career to providing strategies and solutions for parenting after divorce – especially in situations of Parental Alienation and high conflict divorce. She has developed a unique co-parenting course that can be used by all families. Dorcy encourages all parents to accept responsibility for their actions in high-conflict situations and encourages her clients to apologize when appropriate and have compassion. She has a lot to tell us about Parental Alienation and other high-conflict families and how to break the bad communication patterns with your difficult ex.
Dorcy’s goal is to help establish custody plans and co-parenting roles that encourage positive relationships between Read More Here…
It is an absolute pleasure to introduce, Christina McGhee, our next featured speaker on the Divorced Parent Telesummit. Dubbed the “divorce coach,” Christina McGhee, is an internationally acclaimed speaker, author and parent educator who believes knowing what to expect and having access to support are often the defining difference between children surviving or thriving when parents split up. Her new book, Parenting Apart, How Separated And Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids aims to meet that need by providing practical guidance and immediate solutions to the most critical problems of parenting after divorce.
Christina’s strategies have taken thousands of parents from feeling overwhelmed and hopeless to Read More Here…