Back to School Co-Parenting Tip

Since the kids are back in school, parent-teacher conferences and open houses are sure to follow. That’s why we wanted to bring you this back to school co-parenting tip from R.J. Jaramillo, one of our Divorced Parent Telesummit speakers in 2011.

Back to School for Single Parents

Basically this back to school tip is for Dads who are newly transitioning into single parenting. They are typically new at the role of sharing the times to going to the child’s school and interacting with the students and the teachers on those back to school days. The single parent is going to have to be more active and play a more active role and involvement with the child’s school so the first reminder is that every single parent needs to know that your child wants to have a smooth transition just like you do and they want you present. Getting back to a level of normalcy is such a priority when you’re going back  to school as a newly divorced single parent. So the key here is very simple: be present as much as you can with your child’s school activities, get involved and know your child’s teacher as well as having the teacher know who you are.

One of the quick tips that is very simple to do is design your own, I’m going to use the words “business cards.” The idea is to create a business card to hand to the child’s teacher, even the other parents in your child’s class. Let them know your contact information. A photo of you and your child on the card and on the other side make sure you list your email, phone number.

Believe it or not many times teachers just assume that they have only one set of information to know about each child, so many times the co-parenting relationship slips through the cracks. That means only one parent gets the homework assignments and one parent gets the emails about the upcoming events. So when you’re child is going back to school create a business card that has a little bit of information about you and your child so that the teacher and school know that your child has two households.

I think that it’s a very easy and effective tool to use. Most computer software has an ability to make a business card; it doesn’t take a lot of effort or technology to make one. That’s something that can be done very quickly and easily. So that’s the tip for the day in regards for going back to school as a newly divorced single parent going through that transition- the business card.

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Support for Divorced Parents Experiencing Stress, Anxiety or Depression

Here at the Divorced Parent Telesummit, we know every divorcing or divorced parent experiences some degree of stress, anxiety and/or depression along their journey.  It is our desire to help help educate, inform and provide you with various types of support to help you heal from your divorce and move forward in hope.  We cannot emphasize enough how important it is to take care of yourself during and after divorce. When you get the support you need, the better you will handle your divorce.  How you handle your divorce determines the impact it will have on your children.

On Monday, April 30th at 9pm ET/6pm PT we will be hosting a live call with our special guest, Bambi Thompson. Bambi is an Occupational Therapist with 30 years of Holistic Healing Study, She supports people with Anxiety , Depression, and ADHD to reclaim control of their lives with non-medication alternatives: using the mind to create freedom and relief from their struggles.

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Divorce: How Self Care Impacts Your Children

Did you know that how you handle your divorce directly impacts your children? Sociologist Paul Amato has studied divorce and the effects of divorce on children for decades. “Stress impairs the quality of a parent’s childrearing skills,” Amato writes. For that reason, the “well-being of children is positively associated with the post-divorce psychological adjustment of the custodial parent.” In other words, there is a direct correlation between how well you handle the stress of your divorce and how well your children will do after your divorce.

No matter where you are in the divorce process, yet to file or divorced for years, how are you doing with self care? How are you handling the stress; of anticipating divorce, the emotional roller coaster of the process, balancing the responsibilities of single parenting, co-parenting with your ex? Did you make New Year’s resolutions to take better care of your self? How are you progressing with your goals? We often have good intentions to take care of ourselves, yet how easy it is as parents to forfeit our own needs to take care of everyone else’s needs.

Have you ever learned something after the fact, that if you would have known the information sooner you would have made better choices? And no, I am not referring to the person you married. I am talking about the stress of divorce, self care and how it will impact your children. Now that you know there is a direct correlation between how you handle the stress of your divorce and how it will affect your children, will you do anything differently? What if the best thing you could do for your kids is to take better care of yourself? It is never too late.

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Introducing Week Two: Divorced Parent Telesummit

Hello everyone, it’s Pam and Shelley here, again. Week One on the Divorced Parent Telesummit was filled with beneficial financial advice, helpful, easy to implement parenting solutions, thought provoking tips and ideas for how to handle dating with kids, and what you can expect when blending families. If you attended all three sessions, you know there was an abundance of content provided each evening.

Week number two promises to be equally packed full of information you can begin using immediately. Same time 9 pm ET/6pm PT. Here is what you can look forward to in week two of the Divorced Parent Telesummit.

Week Two:

Monday, March 19th we start the week off with Ronae Jull- “The Secret to Parenting Teens after Divorce.” Ronae says that she is “ridiculously optimistic about teenagers.” Ronae knows that parenting teenagers is tough! She tackles challenging parenting issues head on, from a been-there done-that perspective. Having raised four children to adulthood, there are a few things she’s learned – both from doing things right and from doing them wrong. She is known as the Hope Coach.

Pam and I know how devastating it is to go through divorce. We also know how unpredictable and stressful it can be parenting teenagers. We felt this was an area where single parents could really benefit from extra parenting tips, tools and guidance.  Ronae is so passionate and knowledgeable about teenagers we knew she would bring great wisdom and value to our audience. Her website is ronaejull.com.

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Introducing Week One – Divorced Parent Telesummit

Hello everyone, it’s Pam and Shelley here. We are thrilled to be kicking off the next Divorced Parent Telesummit on Monday, March 12th 9pm ET/6pm PT. We wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a bit about the wonderful experts we have lined up for you and what you can look forward to learning during the first week.

Week One:

Monday, March 12th we have Susan Epstein, Parenting Coach and certified Brief Strategic Family Therapist. Susan has extensive knowledge and expertise to empower parents. One of the reasons we asked Susan to be a speaker was her abundance of resources and whole host of practical, easy-to-follow strategies that you can immediately put into action. We know divorced parents especially can appreciate simple, practical solutions. Her website is www.parentingpowers.com

Tuesday, March 13th we have Lisa Decker, Miss Money Matters® – who is the founder of Divorce Money Matters® www.DivorceMoneyMatters.com, a CDFA™ and a “Strategic Divorce Advisor™. We know that finances can be a huge source of stress for many divorced parents. Often time’s one spouse may handle the finances for the family which means the other spouse now has to assume the responsibility and may need help. Some people may not realize the advantages of working with a Financial Advisor before, during and/or after their divorce. Lisa has some valuable advice and tips for everyone whether you are separated, in the process of divorce or divorced.

Wednesday, March 14th you may remember Deesha Philyaw and Mike Thomas who host the podcast Parenting Matters on Blog Talk Radio. They also established coparenting101.org as a resource for those who find themselves parenting after divorce or separation for whatever reason. Not only do Mike and Deesha have an amazing co-parenting relationship, they have also both remarried. We invited Deesha and Mike back to discuss dating after divorce, how to handle dating with your children, and their advice on the complexity of “blending or merging” families. As I told Deesha and Mike, we could do a whole Telesummit on this topic alone and still have so much more to cover. You don’t want to miss this session, even if you are not ready to start dating, or if you are currently in a relationship. Mike and Deesha have some significant information to help you make good decisions for both you and your children.

Pam and I want to say a special THANK YOU to all of our expert speakers who take time out of their busy, busy, schedules to share their experiences, wisdom, education, and training to provide help for divorced parents. All of our speaker’s lives have been impacted by divorce in one way or another. We so appreciate their hearts and desire to  support divorced parents.

Be sure to provide your name and email in the box at the top right corner of this page to receive all of the details for the calls. If you cannot make the live call, you will have 24 hours to listen to the replay for free. We look forward to having you join us.

Please give us your feedback on the calls. We love to hear from you!

Copyright 2012 Pamela Wynn and Shelley Grieser All Rights Reserved.

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Stepfamilies: Web of Connection

Stepfamilies create a web of relationships and inter-relationships that make the average spider’s overnight spinning look simple in comparison.  We know that all relationships have their complications, but stepfamilies increase the possibilities exponentially. Consider the children’s relationships. Parents, stepparents, stepsiblings.  And we haven’t even talked about extended family — aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. Considering that each individual relationship comes with its own set of potholes, it isn’t any wonder that the blended family might be in for a bumpy ride. For example:

•  Feelings of loss and grief, guilt, anger, jealousy, loyalty conflicts, resentments, hurt and betrayal, rejection — these are just a few of the feelings family members may experience. Parents who are undergoing the stress and tension of divorce and remarriage may have less time and stamina to deal with their own feelings let alone the children’s emotional turmoil.

•  New and different ways of doing things. When a family is forming, the members have no shared family histories or shared ways of doing things. From the way the table is set and how the holidays are celebrated to discipline and chores — everything must sorted out, discussed, and agreed upon.

•  Roles and responsibilities change and expectations run high. The mother of one may suddenly become the stepmother of three. The youngest child may no longer be the baby and the oldest may lose her position, too. Time and space need to be reckoned with. Parents may expect their new spouse to love their children immediately and for all the children to become instant best friends.

The difficulties facing a blended family may be many, but where there are challenges there are also opportunities.Two of our favorite coparents, Deesha Philyaw and Mike Thomas, will be joining us for the next Divorced Parent Telesummit to talk about those opportunities that stepfamilies call forth. Plus, they will talk about all the phases that lead up to becoming stepfamilies- including dating after divorce when you are a co-parent. Be sure that you are on our mailing list so you get notice of the next Divorced Parent Telesummit that starts on March 12th.

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Mediation Helps You Help Your Children

Mediation is usually required before your case can go to trial – for the divorce or for a modification case. For many parents, this is just one more “hoop” to jump through in the divorce process. But if you look at the mediation requirement like that, you’ll miss a critical part of it. Mediation is more than trading assets and number of overnights – it can actually help you help your children.

Preparing for Mediation

By preparing for the mediation process, you can learn What’s really important to you and why. Knowing the “what” and “why” of your position helps you to be able to create compromises that work. For divorcing parents, mediation can mean the difference between being a divorced family with a lot of conflict continuing past the final judgment and one that can effectively negotiate different opinions.

That’s why it is good to spend some time prior to the mediation conference thinking about what you really want after the divorce. I’m not talking about making a list of the property you want, although that’s a good idea. I’m talking bigger than that. I’m talking about things like, “What kind of values do you want your kids to see in action?” and “How do you want to interact with your child’s other parent after the divorce?” and “What do you want your child to know about resolving conflict?”

Mediation Helps You Help Your Children

An effective mediation helps you both work through disagreements and gives you practice at how to handle disagreements in the future. Not only is that valuable for you as a parent, it also helps you demonstrate to your children how to effectively work thorugh conflict. Let’s face it, we all have conflict everyday at some level. Learning how to identify and express your needs and create compromises are skills that your child will need to have so they can successfully negotiate through life. It’d be great if they could learn that from you, so take some time to understand your position as you prepare for mediation.

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Preparing for the Divorce Process

If you happen to be one of the people beginning the divorce process this January, I am sorry.  I can truly say that I know how you feel. It was January 5th, 2001 when my husband informed me “he was ready to move on.”

Knowing  how stressful the divorce process is, I wanted to take this opportunity to share some tips and valuable information to help you prepare for the process.  Finances and children are typically the most important and stressful issues.

Before Seeing a Divorce Attorney

Before going to see an attorney, do your research.  The internet can be a tremendous resource for understanding your options for getting through the divorce process. Be sure the websites are credible resources.  Be organized and prepared before meeting with an attorney. Figure out what information you want from an attorney.  Make a list of questions you want to ask.

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The Divorce Filing Season

Did you know that more people file for divorce in January than in any other month of the year? This has been true for years. We don’t know exactly why it is; maybe it stems from that same urge that makes you want to buy organizer products and get your house organized.

Whatever the reason for the filing season, we are hosting a free call next Monday night for parents who starting their divorce journey. It can be a scary place because you feel so alone. Or it may be exhilarating that you are launching into a new phase. Either way, when you venture into new territory like divorce, it’s nice to have some divorce help and divorce support along with way. That’s why we decided to hold monthly calls with our readers this year.

Here’s what we will be covering in our first divorce support call on January 16th:

• Options for completing your divorce
• Areas that must be dealt with during the divorce process
• Professional help that is available during the divorce process
• Tips to start off co-parenting without conflict

We’ll also be answering questions submitted by our readers. If you are on the Divorced Parent Telesummit mailing list already, you will receive the call information on Monday.

If you do not currently receive our emails, we’ll send you the call information if you provide your email address on the form below.

If you have questions you want answered during the call, you can leave them in the comment section here.

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Single Parents – A Time for New Traditions

The Holidays are characterized by joy, happiness, singing, parties, eating, gift giving, concerts, plays, Christmas programs, Hanukkah celebrations, charity drives, cookie exchanges, travel and people having fun. At least that is what the media would have you believe. The truth is the Holidays can be a tough time when you are going through or have recently gone through a divorce. The last thing you may feel like doing is pretending to be joyful and cheerful.

More than likely you and your spouse had developed some family traditions over the years. The traditions may have been ones you created, or ones you continued from one or both of your families. Now is a great time to think of your family traditions and ask yourself the following questions;

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